Day 13: A letter to someone who has hurt you recently

*sigh*

Another task that I can't really do. Nobody has hurt me recently. In fact, nobody has hurt me in a very, very long time. Except for me, of course. It seems that I'm my own worst enemy. Writing a letter to myself would be kind of weird and would probably just say, "Dear Nikki, you're an idiot and you need to start making more responsible decisions if you ever want to get anywhere in life. Love, Nikki", so that would be pointless.

So I'm skipping this one and am planning to post something else instead. At least I'm still acknowledging today's task and am doing so within the time limit, so I'm not really losing, right?

Day 12: How you found out about blogging and why you have one

How did I find out about blogging? That's like asking how I found out about the internet. It's just always been there, hasn't it? If I had think about it though, I'd say my earliest recollection of blogs would be from when I was back in high school. Year 9, I think. One of my friends had a LiveJournal and, somehow, the idea of pouring one's life out for the entire world to read appealed to me too. So I created one too. I suppose mostly I was just interested in reading what said friend had written in his: he was far more candid there than he ever was in person, and I've always enjoyed seeing how different people's online personas are. People are far more honest on the internet, whether it's because they think their real-life friends will never read it, or that they simply don't care because they don't ever have to make eye contact with anyone while doing so.

But on the other hand, I also wanted a more permanent record of my life. Even if I'd ever bothered to write in a hardcopy diary (which I'd be incapable of because I edit far too much), it probably would have been lost along the way. And what good are memories, really? They're so flawed and it's easy to forget the true ones and invent false ones. Not to mention they're a poor reminder of what you were feeling at any given time. So that's why I started my first blog.

Looking at it now though, I don't know what I was thinking. It's terribly written, full of netspeak, and I've found at least one incorrect use of "your" and "you're". How embarrassing for somebody who now prides herself on her grammar. Fortunately, my subsequent blogs have been a little more tolerable. In the meantime, I've had a myspace blog, another LJ, a blog on a forum I frequent, and now this one. Apparently I've had this account for over two years, so obviously I had intended to start writing it sooner too.

Back to the reasons though. I'd like to say I still blog because I want a record of my life, and perhaps that's true to some extent, but these days I just like to talk about things. My internal monologue takes the form of a blog and it only makes sense to actually get it down. I want somewhere to write about all of the things that interest me - even if it is an eclectic mix - and have people read it. It doesn't even matter if it's only a few random people from around the world who will never actually comment. Most people I know aren't that interested in the same things I am and are probably sick of hearing all the random little facts about language, the brain, and humanity that I'm always coming out with. So here I am in my own little corner of the internet, writing about nothing significant and hoping that I can actually keep it up for more than a few months this time.

Day 11: Another picture of you and your friends

While I was searching through my photos, I came across this one and just had to use it:

Chad, Me, Shannon, David

This was from our high school performance of the The Grinch. Except in our case, it was "The Grynch With a 'Y' Who Stole Christmas in July". Yup, very lame. I'd like to say that the experience was a lot of fun, but it was actually a nightmare. Nobody ever had any enthusiasm, it was impossible to get anyone to do what they were supposed to, and people always found things to complain about. I think we were all glad to finally have it over with in the end. At least the costumes were delightfully camp, I suppose. And being out on stage in front of everyone is always a great experience ... even when you're dressed in colours that should never be seen together and dancing around like a fool. I kind of miss that.

Oh, and no, I'm not that much shorter than everyone else - I'm just the only one not wearing shoes!

Day 10: Songs you listen to when you are happy, sad, bored, hyped, mad

Ugh, these are the sorts of questions I hate. And since I'm on the laptop at the moment, I won't be able to go through my itunes library, so this will probably be a poor effort.

When I'm happy, I love upbeat music. This is often new-ish stuff with a heavy beat and simple lyrics. Just turn on Nova and that'll give you a pretty good idea. I also love foreign music and tend to fall back to a few favourites: Junge by Die Ärzte, Primavera Anticipada by Laura Pausini & James Blunt, Inolvidable by Reik, Tú No Eres Para Mí by Fanny Lu etc. Fun listening.

When I'm sad, hyped, or mad, I like angry militaristic music, particularly martial industrial. It's probably a strange genre to like, but I find it inspiring, uplifting, and powerful. The dum dum dum drumbeat draws me in and appeals to the more disciplined side of me (and ok, maybe also inspires images of sexy military men), and I just love it. It helps me channel my bad moods and excessive energy. I don't know about particular songs though, I just like to let Youtube decide for me: there are plenty of good playlists out there. Power metal is another good genre for pumping me up. And again, Youtube playlists take care of the song choices for me. Yes, my itunes library is in serious need of an update.

And then when I'm bored (or in any other mood, I suppose), I love classical music. My favourite pieces are O Fortuna by Carl Orff, Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata, and Chopin's Nocturne no.21 in C Minor (this version).

There's probably a lot more I could list (Backstreet Boys, Muse, ABBA, Il Divo, Darren Hayes, Enrique Iglesias, MCR etc) but I've just about run out of time here. I think I've managed to cover the basics, at least. 

Day 9: Something you're proud of in the past few days

I have no idea.

I've done absolutely nothing of significance in the last few days. I've been so busy with uni work that I've had no time to do anything exciting or worthy of pride. And even then, I can't even be proud of doing a good job on uni work, because I haven't. I haven't been able to motivate myself to do much and tonight was supposed to be my crack-down night. Hah.

So instead of being proud of myself, I'm proud of all of the Australian athletes who competed in the Commonwealth Games and helped us run away with the competition. They weren't all necessarily the most sportsmanly, but they were brilliant and really did our country proud. Bringing home 177 medals, 74 of which were gold, is a fantastic achievement for the team. I know it's not as big as the Olympics and a lot of people didn't care about it, but I did and it's always lovely to see international competition of such a high standard.

It's also nice to see an event not dominated by the Americans or Chinese, where we actually stand a chance :) Good on you, guys!

Day 8: Short term goals for this month and why

Ah, goals. I'm terrible at them. I pretty much never set any unless forced, and even then I usually forget them within a couple of days. I'm just no good at motivating myself. But since I'm being forced now, let's see what I can come up with for the next 30 days:

1. Pass my exams
I think this is the most important one. I'm not worried about linguistics and will be aiming for 90% in that one, and politics should be alright too - hopefully 80%. However, micro and macroeconomics I'm really stressing about. I'll be aiming for about 75% and that's going to take a lot of doing. But as soon as I get all of my assignments out of the way (next Thursday is my last one), I'll be hitting the books as hard as I can. Fingers crossed.

2. Formulate some research ideas
I've been thinking of starting some sort of independent research for a while now. I have some very vague ideas, but I really need to consolidate them and do a whole lot of reading. It would be nice to get a start on that within the next month. Time permitting, of course.

3. Lose over 5 kilos
Yep, I need to get off my lazy arse and do some more exercise. I could probably aim higher, but I want to make sure I actually achieve it so I'll keep the bar low for now. At least then I'm more likely to be pleasantly surprised.

Ok, I think three should do it. The next month is going to be pretty hectic with uni so keeping it simple is definitely the best idea. I hope I'll actually end up doing any better than every other time.

Day 7: A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you

I have to cheat a little today. I can't upload any photos so I'm just going to have to write instead. Who has had the biggest impact on me?

The logical answer to the question would have to be my parents, right? They raised me, taught me things, encouraged me, gave me pretty things, and loved me unconditionally. Your parents and the way you're raised are obviously going to have the most significant impact on the way you turn out.

Honestly, I can't fault the job my parents did with me, except perhaps that they gave me too much and I've still yet to learn the value of things. But they pushed me just enough to succeed without ever being those overbearing parents who live vicariously through their children. They made sure I always had everything I needed and many of the things I wanted (except for the pony that every little girl wants). They bought me so many books when I was a kid: fairytales, novels, history books, science books - god, I loved science. I loved reading about how the earth works, about animals and ecosystems, about space, and most of all about dinosaurs and paleontology. I used to know everything about dinosaurs: all of their names, when and how they lived, what they ate, what their skeletons looked like; I just loved them. It's really no surprise that I have such a scientific mind these days after all the time I spent poring science books.

Then of course there's the fact that they never raised me with any religion. The horror stories I hear from others who were indoctrinated from birth make me incredibly grateful for this. It must be incredibly difficult to change your thinking when you've believed something your entire life; I couldn't imagine that. My parents wanted my brother and me to instead make up our own minds when we were old enough. I suppose it would have been awkward anyway - my mum was a Mormon for some time and although she doesn't follow it anymore, I think she still believes in something, and my dad is a staunch atheist. Interestingly, my brother and I have split off in the same way: he joined a Christian church several years ago and seems pretty happy with that, and I'm here in godless (ie. common sense) land.

I know there's so much more I could say, but it's getting very close to midnight and I don't want to run out of time to get this posted. Suffice to say, my parents have absolutely had the biggest impact on me. As far as the nature/nurture argument goes, I've always believed that nurture is by far the most compelling and powerful force. It shapes us so much more than our genes ever could, and we truly are the products of our environments and families. So I'm grateful beyond words for everything that my parents have done for me. They may not be the most financially successful people around, but they always managed a comfortable existence and did everything they could to ensure my brother and I had a great childhood and a happy family. And I think that makes them successful in a far more important way. How can you ever possibly repay that?

Day 6: Favourite super hero and why

I hate super heroes.

I never read the comics, I never watched the tv shows, and I rarely see the movies. I just think they're lame. It's always some regular person with some sort of childhood tragedy who suddenly has to go around saving the city from a psychotic super villain, and that just doesn't appeal to me. Maybe I'm just a party pooper?

The only person close to a super hero whom I ever remember liking was Captain Planet. I loved that show. Maybe I just thought the theme song was catchy, or else I was a hardcore environmentalist as a child, I don't know. But it was my favourite show for a long time. So yeah, I'll go with Captain Planet. Not only did he save the planet, but he didn't bore everyone with his childhood woes, he didn't have to hide his identity, and he never had run-ins with bitter people from his past who made it their personal vendetta to destroy him. That, and we only ever saw him for about 5 minutes per episode.

Day 5: A picture of somewhere you've been to

I haven't been to many exciting places, so this is the best I've got:

Sydney!

This was a bit of a spontaneous trip actually. My best friend and I were discussing how much we needed to get away from everything and suddenly we'd booked the trip. It was just from Friday til Tuesday but it gave us enough time to look around and recover from the stresses of real life. I think the above photo was taken from Luna Park, which was surprisingly small and dull. The amount of fuss people make about it, you'd think it was massive and exciting, but I would rather spend the day at our own Adventure World.

The hotel we stayed at, although it was well-priced and had everything we needed, was TINY. The shower was bigger than the rest of the bathroom. Also, the train line was literally only a few metres outside our window, and the trains would go thundering past every 20 minutes for the entire night. Fortunately, the rest of Sydney was far better. The view from Circular Quay was lovely, we went on a nice harbour cruise, and the casino was amazing.

View of the Opera House from our cruise ship.

Unfortunately though, we had a big night at the casino the night before we had to fly home, and being hungover and sick on a plane is no fun at all. I could barely move all morning and spent some time being sick in the plane toilet (mile high vomit club - classy!), and Shannon ended up going into some scary catatonic state that freaked everyone out. The flight attendants had to put her on oxygen and were convinced she had taken drugs, which she absolutely hadn't. So it was a fun flight.

All in all, we had a good time though. It was good to get away from uni and work and everyday life for a while, and Sydney really is a nice city. I could probably never live there - people seem to have no concept of personal space - but it would be nice to visit again and explore some more.

Day 4: A habit that you wish you didn’t have

This is an easy one:

Procrastination.

If there were some sort of competition for procrastination, I'd surely have a good chance of winning it. Well, perhaps not, because I'd procrastinate so much that I wouldn't even end up going. You see the problem.

Every single assignment finds itself completed in the hour before it's due, having only been started the afternoon or evening before. As good as my intentions may be, I always manage to find something else that needs to be done, a show that needs to be watched, an interesting twitter conversation to follow, or some menial task that I'd probably never do if I didn't have an assignment to put off. In fact, why do you think I'm writing this entry right now? I have three assignments and a presentation due this week and I'm yet to really start any of them. It's ridiculous.

Of course, assignments aren't the only victim of my procrastination. Life decisions, weight loss, event invitations, and job applications are just a few other things. Why sort things out now when you can just leave them for another time? I'm not very good at saying no, so declining an invitation is not a lot of fun. And that new diet and exercise regime? Ah, I'll start that tomorrow. A lot of the time, I just leave it to time to take care of things. Just avoid whatever it is I don't like until enough time has passed that I don't have to deal with it and the decision is made for me. Real healthy.

I'm doing my best to change though. It's just a matter of really pushing myself and thinking about things that motivate me. I want to be successful in life, and success isn't going to just throw itself at me (or will it? no no no, bad thinking!) so I'll have to actually get my arse into gear and eventually do something in a timely manner, right? I should definitely start looking for a decent job, get to work on my assignments, and get on the treadmill to turn my life around.

Eh, maybe tomorrow.