So you want to get a PhD in the humanities?

I came across this video the other day and as much as it made me giggle, it also hit home a little.



I plan on doing a PhD but I'm constantly worried that I'll be wasting a big chunk of my life and then not have anything to do with it afterwards. What topic will I choose? How will I survive? Am I going to have to do shitty retail work to support myself? What if I lose interest halfway through? Who would want to employ a linguistics PhD? What would I do? Or, before all of that, will I even manage to get in? And hell, I haven't even thought about Honours yet. There are just so many things I'm unsure of.

But all of that said, I know that academia is very different here in Australia than it is elsewhere in the world, especially America. According to Wikipedia (I know, collective mediocrity, shh), Australian professors are the highest paid in the world, and we still seem to have a healthy respect for academics. While Americans are deriding academics as crazy Marxists who are leeching off the government, we are still throwing huge amounts of money into research funding, which is fantastic.

I also haven't seen the same sort of competition and hopelessness in grad students. Of course, this is only based on what I've seen and heard (and I could be way off), but there seem to be a lot more opportunities here. Morale of PhD students is generally high, the money situation is better, and job opportunities seem more, well, existent. Not to say it's not still a difficult few years of your life, full of stress and criticism and wondering where the hell you're going to end up, but I feel better knowing I'm in Australia. And if you actually can get a job at a university (which is my aim), one look at the salary scale on any university website shows that you certainly won't be living off mi goreng anymore.

Furthermore, I wouldn't be like the student in the video. I'm making the effort to get to know the relevant lecturers and professors so that if I ever need any sort of academic reference, I won't be that C-student they've never seen or heard from before. I'll be the one they recognise instantly as that interested girl who got HDs. In high school, or even in my last degree, I would have laughed and cringed at the idea of being that student. In fact, in the entire four years I spent at Murdoch, I could probably count on one hand the number of times I ever spoke to one of my professors after class or during their office hours. But I've blown that number out of the water each semester this year and not only does it feel good to have a decent relationship with my teachers, my grades are all the better for it. And it's not just about using them for my own success, absolutely not. They have actually been worth getting to know too. Maybe it's simply that I'm more enthusiastic and I'm projecting, but they all seem happier, friendlier, funnier, and genuinely more passionate about their fields here, with more time for their students. And that's exactly what you look for in a teacher.

I've also had an offer from a lecturer at another university to help put me in touch with useful people in the area of computational linguistics, after I voiced an interest in natural language processing. Unfortunately, I'm not particularly good with programming and I don't have any concrete ideas about areas of study, but it's still very early days and I may well take him up on it eventually. Psycholinguistics is another area I'm interested in, and that's the type of thing where there's always research to be done, so there's another idea. Either way, it's nice to know there are plenty of options out there.

See, I've psyched myself up now and I feel much better. Maybe there isn't so much to worry about after all. Not that I should even be worrying about all of these things yet anyway, but it's never too early to start looking to the future, right?

Day 25: What I would find in your bag

I must confess I've been looking forward to this one. My bag is a minefield and I'm very curious to see what strange, forgotten things I'll find in there. Also, it forces me to actually clean it out. Here we go:

• Drink bottle
• Hair brush (which means I 've been rocking the bed hair look since Thursday afternoon)
• Deoderant - spray and roll-on
• Wallet
• Phone
• Uni notebooks (need those for exam study tonight)
• Book on aphasias (must remember to take that back to the library)
• Deck of cards
• Brown Brotha: a cork from a bottle of Zibibbo with a midori bottle top for a hat and a face/suit drawn on
• Pressed powder and a large brush
• Small pack of bandaids
• Feminine hygiene products
• Purple and blue eyeshadows
• Paracetamol
• Ginkgo Forte (before you berate me for using herbal crap, they give me an awesome high)
• Lip gloss and lib balm
• Chewing gum
• A whole bunch of old receipts, wrappers, tissues, shopping lists, parking tickets, notes etc. (all dumped in the bin now)
• Mini ruler
• Assortment of pens, including bright pink and purple one that all of my tutors should now recognise as mine
• iPod
• A die (I have no idea either)

Ok, that was significantly less interesting than I thought it would be. But at least I'm fairly prepared for illness, injury, boredom, or a makeup crisis. That's the main thing!

Day 24: A letter to your parents

Dear mum and dad,

Thank you for being amazing parents. Thank you for doing everything in your power to make sure I had a fantastic childhood. Thank you for teaching me to think for myself and question everything. Thank you for always pushing that little more when I was being lazy or stubborn. Thank you for entertaining all of my ideas and listening to everything I have to say, because I know nobody will ever listen and care the way you do. Thank you for helping me out whenever I've needed help, whether it be financial, academic, or just someone to drive all the way up into the hills to pick my paraletic arse up from a party in the middle of the night. Thank you for teaching me to be a good person with decent manners and a healthy respect for other people. And most of all, thank you for always supporting me, no matter what. I may have made a lot of good decisions but I know I've also made a lot of bad ones, and you've respected all of them, stood by me, and let me learn my lessons in my own way. I'm so grateful for all of that. I could never be the person I am today if it weren't for you.

I'm sorry that I'm such a lazy bitch sometimes. Actually, most of the time. I'm sorry that I don't always tell you everything that's going on in my life. I'm sorry that I've lied to you about certain things over the years. I'm sorry that I'm so terrible at sticking with things and that I've probably wasted a lot of your money on badly thought out pursuits. I'm sorry that I can often be selfish and forget about others. And I'm sorry that it's such an effort to get me to do the jobs I'm supposed to do. BUUUT you'll be happy to know that I'm about to get up and actually do the dishes right now. See, these things do get done eventually!

Love you both,

Nikki
xxx

Day 23: Something you crave a lot

I figure the typical answer to this question would be some type of food, so I'll take a slightly different path:

Attention and mental stimulation.

I'm a very confident person, but I'm constantly seeking recognition. Not in a "good girl *pat on the head*" sort of way, just ... I have such a desire to prove myself and I want to know that what I'm saying and doing is good enough. Maybe it's due to some deep-seated insecurity that I'm not even aware of, but the idea of not being any attention to or being seen as not having anything worthwhile to say is just terrifying.

And then, of course, I need mental stimulation. I can't stand not to be constantly learning things and nothing annoys me more than people who can't engage in deep conversation. Small talk is frustrating and as soon as I come across somebody who is capable of more than that, whose mind is full of the sort of stuff I love, I latch on. It's fairly rare, so it's a fantastic experience when it actually happens. Unfortunately, I tend to want to suck them dry very quickly. It's like a drug, I suppose. I need to have people I can look up to and learn from, or whom I can at least engage with on a similar level about things we share an interest in. If I go too long without it, I get restless and bored.

Both of these probably explain why I love the university environment so much. I'm in an environment in which I can prove myself; in which I can get quick feedback on my opinions and work. And, at the same time, it's full of intellectuals who are experts on all of the things I'm interested in. These are people whose minds I can pick, whose office hours I can abuse, and whom I can help make feel more important. After all, it must be a good feeling to have students care so much about what you're teaching, right? It's a win-win situation.

Day 22: What makes you different from everyone else

What makes me different from everyone else? I don't know, I'm a pretty average person. But I suppose there are a couple of things that aren't so common:

I can mirror write
I'm double-jointed in my shoulders
I'm useless at dealing with people's emotions
I've been single my entire life
I have a crazy fear of skeletons

Err, I'm sure there's plenty more I could think of, but I've run out of time. Maybe I'll come back and edit this later.

You're an idiot

I like to think that I'm pretty tolerant of other people's beliefs. I may not accept them and I may not even respect them, but hey, think whatever you like. However, there are some things that I take real issue with and I have to get this off my chest:

If you believe in a secret communist new world order, you're an idiot.
If you believe that 9/11 was an inside job, you're an idiot.
If you believe that Obama is a Muslim, you're an idiot.
If you believe that Obama was not born in America, you're an idiot.
If you believe that Obama is a communist, you're an idiot.
If you believe that vaccinations are a government conspiracy to infect children, you're an idiot.
If you believe in chemtrails, you're an idiot.
If you believe that humans and dinosaurs coexisted, you're an idiot.
If you believe that homosexuality is a lifestyle choice, you're an idiot.
If you believe that Al Qaeda was created by the government as an excuse for war, you're an idiot.
If you believe that Jews are controlling the world, you're an idiot.
If you believe that global warming (or climate change in general) is a lie, you're an idiot.
If you believe that liberals hate their country, you're an idiot.
If you believe that racism underlies conservatism, you're an idiot.
If you believe that the starving and homless had an equal opportunity to succeed and are only there because they were lazy or made bad decisions, and are thus undeserving of any assistance, you're an idiot.
If you believe in hidden backwards messages, you're an idiot.
AND
If you believe in anything without question, without evidence, and without applying any critical thought .... yep, you guessed it, you're an idiot.

Day 21: A picture of something that makes you happy

I thought I'd incorporate two things into one with this photo: Jack and Christmas.

I love Jack more than I've ever loved anything (and almost anyone) before. He's more than just a pet: he's my baby and I adore him. That probably sounds lame to some people, but anyone who has ever had a dog will understand. He loves me unconditionally and follows me around everywhere like a shadow. Right now, he's sleeping on my bed behind me. No matter what sort of day I've had, I'm always happy when I get home and see him. Whether I've been gone for a week or just stepped out the front for 10 seconds, he'll jump all over me, lick me to death, and run laps around the living room in excitement when I return. He's gorgeous (the photo doesn't do him justice), intelligent, loving, and just so happy all of the time. How could he not bring a smile to my face?

And then, of course, there's Christmas. Other than singing Christmas carols and acting in nativity plays as a child, I've never much cared about the religious side of the holiday. But it's an amazing time of year and I love it. I love the atmosphere: the decorations around the city and shopping centres, the frantic shoppers, the sales, the rising summer temperatures, and the feeling that December 25 is just around the corner. For us, it has always been a time for family, despite how small that family may be. It's always spent at home with mountains of traditional food: turkey, ham, pork, yorkshire puddings, trifle, mince pies, plum pudding, candy canes etc. There are carols and presents, and the post-lunch turkey-induced nap is usually followed by some time spent swimming and sunbathing around the pool. It's a fantastic, lazy day and is something that even the most secular of us can enjoy. Absolutely my favourite time of the year.

Day 20: Someone you see yourself marrying or being with in the future

If you're asking me to point out a specific person in my life, then I can't do that. There's nobody I know at the moment whom I could see myself marrying ... not happily, at least. But if this is about describing a hypothetical person, then that will be fun:

Physically, he'd be taller than me, probably around 6'1". Average build with nice arms, but not a full set of rippling abs. Not a gym junkie, just conscious enough of his health and body. Blue or grey eyes are ideal, and I'm cool with any hair colour that isn't red (no offense, redheads). It'd be great if he were one of those rare men who could actually pull off the stubble look too.

He'd be older than me, more experienced, and probably around the same level of intelligence. But while some of our areas of expertise should overlap, others shouldn't: I want to be able to impress him with random facts and have him to be able to do the same to me. He should be able to speak another language and have a sexy accent - sorry, Australian accents just don't do it for me. He must love science and reason, be a staunch atheist, and be fairly political liberal. I just don't think I could live and raise children with somebody who disagreed with me religiously and politically. He should have an awesome sense of humour, able to come out with both offensive politically incorrect one-liners and cringe-worthy dad jokes. He'd be the kind of guy who gets along well with his family and genuinely wants one of his own.

He'd sit somewhere in the middle of the extravert-introvert scale; able to have deep conversations but also good at working a crowd and pulling me out of my comfort zone. But I don't want him to be one of those über social butterflies who stop every 10 steps to have a conversation with some other familiar person along the way. He should enjoy sports - I worry about any man who doesn't - but should enjoy knowledge more. He'd be a white collar worker, well educated at university, and earning a decent but not excessive income. They say that happiness peaks at $75,000, so somewhere around there, I suppose. He'd also need to have a sense of adventure, a desire to travel the world, and always be up for trying new and unusual things. A dominant personality. Somebody who is my equal, but whom I can also look up to when things are tough. Essentially, I want a slightly more exciting, motivated, and funny version of myself. And most importantly, he would love me for who I am. He'd never want me to change and would protect me, adore me, and always be himself around me. That's the kind of man I want to marry.

If he exists, can somebody please find him for me?

Day 19: Nicknames you have and why you have them

I don't have very many nicknames and they aren't that interesting, but ah well:

Niklips: This is mostly from my best friend and not used that often anymore, mostly just in text messages and the like. I know it started back in high school but that's about it. I guess we all had an obsession with slightly amusing body parts back then and it just kind of flows.

Niggy: This one pisses me off and my friends know it. We went out clubbing one night and a black man started dancing with me. As I yelled in his ear that I had to leave, my friends snapped a blurry photo and it sort of, almost, not really at all looks like I'm kissing him. That was at least 18 months ago but they still won't let me live it down. Now, almost every time a black guy appears in a movie or somewhere nearby, my immature and racist friends will make a joke about it. *sigh*

And then, of course, we have strange nicknames in my family. My brother and I sometimes call my dad 'biatch' and we get called it in return too. It started out as an in-joke from somewhere, but now it's been so long that we've all forgotten where it came from. I call my brother 'boyyy' in the same way Foghorn Leghorn says it and so he calls me 'girrrl' in a similar voice. I actually can't even remember the last time we used each other's real names. My mum generally calls me 'Nik' or 'Knickers', but sometimes goes with 'girrrl' too. All of this would probably be quite shocking to other people looking in (especially us calling our father 'bitch'), but we still respect each other. I guess it's just ... amusing.

But most of the time, for most people, I'm just 'Nik'. And I like it that way. Some people hate when people shorten their names (almost every David I've known has despised being called Dave), but I like the bonding that comes with it. I always get a little excited when a new person calls me Nik for the first time because it shows we've made a decent connection and that they're comfortable with me. And for someone like me who never pays as much attention to people and their feelings as she should, that's really helpful.

Day 18: Plans/dreams/goals you have

Plans, dreams, and goals. My favourite.

I suppose they work down in a hierarchy of likelihood, don't they? Dreams are the crazy things that we'd love to happen to us but probably never will. My dreams are to win lotto, travel the world, marry rich and spend my days as a trophy wife, or become dictator of the new world. Marrying rich is a possibility, I suppose, as is travelling the world. But I have no chance of winning lotto because I rarely buy a ticket and, alas, the world seems rather hostile towards dictatorships.

So I guess that brings me to goals. These are the more realistic ideals you set for yourself: the things you think you can achieve with some work. As I've said before, setting goals is not one of my strong suits. At least, not in the short term; I suppose long term goals are easier to think about. For one, I'd like to do a PhD. From there, I'm not sure. I wrote some time ago about how I feared I'd be trapped in the realm of academia. But now that I've found something I like, the idea of that isn't so scary. In fact, I think I'd actually like to work at a university. I don't know if I'm confident or interesting enough to teach - I suppose I could test it out by tutoring after I have my bachelor's degree (if they'll have me, of course) - but definitely research. I'd like to do something in the fields of artificial language or language pathology ... at this point anyway. I may find something more interesting along the way.

Then there's the family side of things. I want to get married to a nice man: older than me, with piercing blue eyes, a sharp mind, a brilliantly awful sense of humour, and a loving nature. I also want children, which is something I never thought I'd say. Inquisitive young minds ready to absorb everything, onto whom we can pass everything we know - god, I want that. I want a big (but not obnoxious) home, in a pleasant suburb not too far from everything. And I'd like all of this before I'm 35, thank you.

I'm also hoping to get active and fit. Maybe take up a sport, possibly get back into karate. Something. I'm aiming to expand my social circle, befriend a wider variety of people. My current groups of friends are quite different, sure, but in the end they're all white, liberal-ish, middle-class people. That's just not very exciting, is it?

And then plans? I suppose that's what you're planning to do to go about achieving your goals. Or just in general. Tomorrow, I plan to eat breakfast, go to uni, listen intently to my favourite lecturer and then ogle my attractive tutor. In the longer term I plan to go to the Hopman Cup, go a little bit over the top with the outfits and face paint in order to get noticed and get on television. I also plan to find a job because god knows I'm running out of money and desperately need one. Even further into the future, I plan to go on a Pacific island cruise, spent sunbathing on the top deck, blowing all my money in the casino on the lower deck, and trying to avoid dangerous creatures and tropical diseases in New Caledonia. But if I look ahead more generally? Well, I plan on doing brilliantly at uni, staying on to do Honours, then a PhD - or possibly a Masters in between if that's required. I plan on doing some volunteer work too, probably for some minor political groups I agree with and some social equality programs.

Basically, I plan to do whatever it takes to achieve my goals, perhaps even some of my dreams. And honestly, I think that's about as much as I can control for now. Whether or not all of those plans are followed through with ... well, that remains to be seen!