Day 23: Something you crave a lot

I figure the typical answer to this question would be some type of food, so I'll take a slightly different path:

Attention and mental stimulation.

I'm a very confident person, but I'm constantly seeking recognition. Not in a "good girl *pat on the head*" sort of way, just ... I have such a desire to prove myself and I want to know that what I'm saying and doing is good enough. Maybe it's due to some deep-seated insecurity that I'm not even aware of, but the idea of not being any attention to or being seen as not having anything worthwhile to say is just terrifying.

And then, of course, I need mental stimulation. I can't stand not to be constantly learning things and nothing annoys me more than people who can't engage in deep conversation. Small talk is frustrating and as soon as I come across somebody who is capable of more than that, whose mind is full of the sort of stuff I love, I latch on. It's fairly rare, so it's a fantastic experience when it actually happens. Unfortunately, I tend to want to suck them dry very quickly. It's like a drug, I suppose. I need to have people I can look up to and learn from, or whom I can at least engage with on a similar level about things we share an interest in. If I go too long without it, I get restless and bored.

Both of these probably explain why I love the university environment so much. I'm in an environment in which I can prove myself; in which I can get quick feedback on my opinions and work. And, at the same time, it's full of intellectuals who are experts on all of the things I'm interested in. These are people whose minds I can pick, whose office hours I can abuse, and whom I can help make feel more important. After all, it must be a good feeling to have students care so much about what you're teaching, right? It's a win-win situation.