Day 8: Short term goals for this month and why

Ah, goals. I'm terrible at them. I pretty much never set any unless forced, and even then I usually forget them within a couple of days. I'm just no good at motivating myself. But since I'm being forced now, let's see what I can come up with for the next 30 days:

1. Pass my exams
I think this is the most important one. I'm not worried about linguistics and will be aiming for 90% in that one, and politics should be alright too - hopefully 80%. However, micro and macroeconomics I'm really stressing about. I'll be aiming for about 75% and that's going to take a lot of doing. But as soon as I get all of my assignments out of the way (next Thursday is my last one), I'll be hitting the books as hard as I can. Fingers crossed.

2. Formulate some research ideas
I've been thinking of starting some sort of independent research for a while now. I have some very vague ideas, but I really need to consolidate them and do a whole lot of reading. It would be nice to get a start on that within the next month. Time permitting, of course.

3. Lose over 5 kilos
Yep, I need to get off my lazy arse and do some more exercise. I could probably aim higher, but I want to make sure I actually achieve it so I'll keep the bar low for now. At least then I'm more likely to be pleasantly surprised.

Ok, I think three should do it. The next month is going to be pretty hectic with uni so keeping it simple is definitely the best idea. I hope I'll actually end up doing any better than every other time.

Day 7: A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you

I have to cheat a little today. I can't upload any photos so I'm just going to have to write instead. Who has had the biggest impact on me?

The logical answer to the question would have to be my parents, right? They raised me, taught me things, encouraged me, gave me pretty things, and loved me unconditionally. Your parents and the way you're raised are obviously going to have the most significant impact on the way you turn out.

Honestly, I can't fault the job my parents did with me, except perhaps that they gave me too much and I've still yet to learn the value of things. But they pushed me just enough to succeed without ever being those overbearing parents who live vicariously through their children. They made sure I always had everything I needed and many of the things I wanted (except for the pony that every little girl wants). They bought me so many books when I was a kid: fairytales, novels, history books, science books - god, I loved science. I loved reading about how the earth works, about animals and ecosystems, about space, and most of all about dinosaurs and paleontology. I used to know everything about dinosaurs: all of their names, when and how they lived, what they ate, what their skeletons looked like; I just loved them. It's really no surprise that I have such a scientific mind these days after all the time I spent poring science books.

Then of course there's the fact that they never raised me with any religion. The horror stories I hear from others who were indoctrinated from birth make me incredibly grateful for this. It must be incredibly difficult to change your thinking when you've believed something your entire life; I couldn't imagine that. My parents wanted my brother and me to instead make up our own minds when we were old enough. I suppose it would have been awkward anyway - my mum was a Mormon for some time and although she doesn't follow it anymore, I think she still believes in something, and my dad is a staunch atheist. Interestingly, my brother and I have split off in the same way: he joined a Christian church several years ago and seems pretty happy with that, and I'm here in godless (ie. common sense) land.

I know there's so much more I could say, but it's getting very close to midnight and I don't want to run out of time to get this posted. Suffice to say, my parents have absolutely had the biggest impact on me. As far as the nature/nurture argument goes, I've always believed that nurture is by far the most compelling and powerful force. It shapes us so much more than our genes ever could, and we truly are the products of our environments and families. So I'm grateful beyond words for everything that my parents have done for me. They may not be the most financially successful people around, but they always managed a comfortable existence and did everything they could to ensure my brother and I had a great childhood and a happy family. And I think that makes them successful in a far more important way. How can you ever possibly repay that?

Day 6: Favourite super hero and why

I hate super heroes.

I never read the comics, I never watched the tv shows, and I rarely see the movies. I just think they're lame. It's always some regular person with some sort of childhood tragedy who suddenly has to go around saving the city from a psychotic super villain, and that just doesn't appeal to me. Maybe I'm just a party pooper?

The only person close to a super hero whom I ever remember liking was Captain Planet. I loved that show. Maybe I just thought the theme song was catchy, or else I was a hardcore environmentalist as a child, I don't know. But it was my favourite show for a long time. So yeah, I'll go with Captain Planet. Not only did he save the planet, but he didn't bore everyone with his childhood woes, he didn't have to hide his identity, and he never had run-ins with bitter people from his past who made it their personal vendetta to destroy him. That, and we only ever saw him for about 5 minutes per episode.

Day 5: A picture of somewhere you've been to

I haven't been to many exciting places, so this is the best I've got:

Sydney!

This was a bit of a spontaneous trip actually. My best friend and I were discussing how much we needed to get away from everything and suddenly we'd booked the trip. It was just from Friday til Tuesday but it gave us enough time to look around and recover from the stresses of real life. I think the above photo was taken from Luna Park, which was surprisingly small and dull. The amount of fuss people make about it, you'd think it was massive and exciting, but I would rather spend the day at our own Adventure World.

The hotel we stayed at, although it was well-priced and had everything we needed, was TINY. The shower was bigger than the rest of the bathroom. Also, the train line was literally only a few metres outside our window, and the trains would go thundering past every 20 minutes for the entire night. Fortunately, the rest of Sydney was far better. The view from Circular Quay was lovely, we went on a nice harbour cruise, and the casino was amazing.

View of the Opera House from our cruise ship.

Unfortunately though, we had a big night at the casino the night before we had to fly home, and being hungover and sick on a plane is no fun at all. I could barely move all morning and spent some time being sick in the plane toilet (mile high vomit club - classy!), and Shannon ended up going into some scary catatonic state that freaked everyone out. The flight attendants had to put her on oxygen and were convinced she had taken drugs, which she absolutely hadn't. So it was a fun flight.

All in all, we had a good time though. It was good to get away from uni and work and everyday life for a while, and Sydney really is a nice city. I could probably never live there - people seem to have no concept of personal space - but it would be nice to visit again and explore some more.

Day 4: A habit that you wish you didn’t have

This is an easy one:

Procrastination.

If there were some sort of competition for procrastination, I'd surely have a good chance of winning it. Well, perhaps not, because I'd procrastinate so much that I wouldn't even end up going. You see the problem.

Every single assignment finds itself completed in the hour before it's due, having only been started the afternoon or evening before. As good as my intentions may be, I always manage to find something else that needs to be done, a show that needs to be watched, an interesting twitter conversation to follow, or some menial task that I'd probably never do if I didn't have an assignment to put off. In fact, why do you think I'm writing this entry right now? I have three assignments and a presentation due this week and I'm yet to really start any of them. It's ridiculous.

Of course, assignments aren't the only victim of my procrastination. Life decisions, weight loss, event invitations, and job applications are just a few other things. Why sort things out now when you can just leave them for another time? I'm not very good at saying no, so declining an invitation is not a lot of fun. And that new diet and exercise regime? Ah, I'll start that tomorrow. A lot of the time, I just leave it to time to take care of things. Just avoid whatever it is I don't like until enough time has passed that I don't have to deal with it and the decision is made for me. Real healthy.

I'm doing my best to change though. It's just a matter of really pushing myself and thinking about things that motivate me. I want to be successful in life, and success isn't going to just throw itself at me (or will it? no no no, bad thinking!) so I'll have to actually get my arse into gear and eventually do something in a timely manner, right? I should definitely start looking for a decent job, get to work on my assignments, and get on the treadmill to turn my life around.

Eh, maybe tomorrow.

Day 3: A picture of you and your friends

I haven't taken any sort of group photo in ages, so I thought I'd take a walk down memory lane for this one:

I suppose the writing in the corner already gives this away, but it's from our high school graduation ceremony. We TEE kids were a pretty cohesive bunch: we had our own little groups but we were all friends and, surprisingly, the biggest partiers of the lot. It's actually a strange feeling looking back at this now. It seems like it's been forever and a day since this - a whole other chapter of my life, long ago closed - but at the same time, I can't believe it's already been 5 years. Amazing, really.

Those were good times, but the times we've had since have been even better...

Day 2: The meaning behind your blog name

Ok, I don't know if there are people following 30 day challenge posts all over, or if I just used a whole lot of keywords in my last entries, but this blog had a big increase in views overnight. That's pretty awesome. Please though, don't be shy, comments would be much appreciated. I see people reading (and I know some friends are) but I still kind of feel like I'm talking to myself here.

Anyway, the meaning behind my blog name.

It really speaks for itself, doesn't it? Shades of grey, because nothing is ever black or white. That's the view I've taken towards most things in life. For the most part, there aren't any extremes. I don't believe in the concepts of good or evil because I don't believe human nature works that way. I'll use the terms in general conversation simply due to ease but, honestly, they're not very effective words. They evoke a sense of God-given morality: an ethnocentric view that certain actions we value are considered 'good' and anything contrary is 'evil'. That's not to say I don't condemn things like murder, but I refuse to classify it - or the people who commit it - as evil. Things are never simple and it would be ignorant to lump anyone into any sort of category, especially one with such negative connotations. People are just people, with different motives, different mental capacities, different goals and desires, and different ideas about what is and isn't acceptable. I'd go into more detail on good and evil, but I feel like this is a topic for another day.

For a different perspective, look at politics. You have the Left and the Right. But what are those, really? How do you define those ideologies? By market freedom? By social freedom? By the size of desired government, if any at all? How is that libertarians, who believe in small government and maximum liberty in both the social and economic spheres, find themselves on the same side of the political spectrum as big-government, socially-oppressive conservatives? And then, how strongly do people support their chosen ideologies? It's not an all-or-none sort of thing, as much as some crazies on either side would like to believe it. You pick and choose the parts that suit you best. Where am I? Socially, I'm so far left I'm about to fall off the chart; economically, I'm left of centre but not excessively so. So what specific label does that put me under? Damned if I know. Then there's politics in practice, and that's a whole other ballgame.

Furthermore, look at scientific theories. In particular, I'm thinking of the linguistic nativism vs empiricism debate of language acquisition. Essentially it's another nature vs nurture argument. Hardcore nativists claim that our brains are completely hardwired for language, right down to a syntactic level. Everything we learn is because there exists a universal grammar, a set of rules that all humans automatically possess. Harcore empiricists, on the other hand, claim that all language is learnt. There is no built-in knowledge and we learn simply because we are taught. If we're not taught, we won't acquire language. As far as I'm concerned, neither of these theories, in their extreme form, have any sort of credibility. It's most likely that the true answer is some combination of the two: that we have a hardwired disposition towards language but require exposure and practice in order to develop it. A lot like intelligence, I suppose. Again, like so many times before, the answer lies somewhere in the shades of grey.

But it seems I've ranted on far longer than I thought I would. The point is, I don't see things in extremes and I think that's a healthy view to have. How did that actually become the name of my blog though? I'm not entirely sure. I started using it for other blogs a while back and it sort of stuck. I actually remember reading a book called '48 Shades of Brown' back in high school, so perhaps I'd remembered that and gone from there? I don't know. But either way, I think it fits me well and sometimes being a fickle pain in the ass can be fun, so I'm sticking with it.

Day 1: A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself

Ok, it was a little difficult finding a recent photo, but this is a drunken one from last Saturday. Yes, that's a real old-school bike helmet and yes, there are a shitload of books in that room. Additionally, it's probably the only time you'll ever see a photo of me without makeup online. Now, for the 15 "interesting" facts:

1.  I'm terrified of commitment. I always worry that I may be missing out on a better offer. As a result, I'm even terrible at making the most insignificant of decisions - just ask my friends what it's like to take me to the dvd store. I would love to be in a committed relationship with someone, but I always feel like I'd be settling and giving up the opportunity for something better. I also can't commit to a career path, which is why I've studied so many different things at university.

2.  I did karate for about 7 years when I was younger. I loved it at first but eventually came to hate it; however, my parents refused to let me quit until I got my black belt. I eventually won out though, and quit at the grade before black belt. Now I'm kicking myself for getting so close and wish my parents had been more persistent. Sometimes I feel like going back, but I've forgotten so much and I'd feel like an idiot.

3.  I can write fluently backwards, as well as upside down. I don't ever remember teaching myself to do it; the ability has just always been there. I thought everyone could do it, but I've read research that says otherwise and that it's possibly linked to atypical language pathways, so now I feel like a bit of a freak. Or perhaps awesome.

4.  I'm a diehard (men's) tennis fan. I could watch it all day and still not get bored. If you want to know who won Wimbledon in 1986, then I'm probably your girl. (FYI, it was Boris Becker.)

5.  I've only been given flowers once in my life. It was a strange experience too. I was killing some time by reading in my car at Bibra Lake and a couple of guys pulled up next to me. A few minutes later, the driver yelled out hello to me and he and I started talking. After a while, they left. They returned a few minutes later, pulled into the flower-shop across the road, and then the guy gave me a pretty bouquet and asked for my number. He did call me, but I missed his call and he had his number on private so I couldn't call him back. That was the last I heard of him, but hey, it makes for an interesting story.

6.  I'm a sucker for blue eyes. Not simply because they're pretty, but also because I'm stuck with dark eyes and dark hair so seeing someone with actual colour in their face is really awesome for me. Opposites attract, right? It's also great because you can watch their pupils and tell when they're interested.

7.  My first (and only) job was working for an auto parts store. My dad also worked for the company and knew the boss, so getting the job was easy. Subsequently, I've never been to a job interview in my life. I hated every second of the job with a burning passion, but it paid surprisingly well so I stayed there for five and a half years. I'm determined that my next job will be somewhere clean.

8.  On the topic of firsts, my first car was a purple '96 Hyundai Coupe. It was an awesome car - it drove like a charm and you could give it hell. However, my current car - a pretty blue '09 Ford Fiesta - is far better: it's sexy and has ipod connectivity. Best birthday present EVER.

9.  I've only once stepped foot in a church, for a christening, and I don't remember it at all. We joke that I would burst into flames if I ever did again.

10.  I'm fascinated by the darker side of human nature. Mass murderers, evil dictators, psychopaths, hate groups - it's all so very interesting to me. I think it's because it's so uniquely human: plenty of animals are loving and family-orientated and work well in groups, but it seems that only humans are capable of such premeditated hate and evil. I actually spent a lot of time studying neo-Nazi groups for a psychology project last year. Not as cool as studying serial killers (though it would be hard to find them), but it was eye-opening. Kind of like a car crash: really awful, but you can't look away. It all just amazes me in a sick sort of way.

11.  My favourite number is 3. Interestingly, my birthweight was 3.33kg.

12.  I used to be terrified of vacuum cleaners. I don't know if I thought I was going to be sucked up or what, but every time someone would turn ours on, I'd flee outside and hide until they were finished.

13.  I have a bigoted asshole for an uncle. He drinks heavily, wears boots and confederate caps, and once threatened to kill my gay best friend ... at Christmas. Needless to say, we don't see him anymore. Good riddance.

14.  I love participating in experiments. I love the tests and the electrodes and getting to theorise about what they're actually testing. I've had electric shocks sent into my forehead, had to answer difficult maths questions with a baby crying in the background, been put in a big rotating drum with black and white stripes to induce motion sickness, had capsaicin smeared on my arm for several days, and been paid to taste-test beer. It's fun!

15.  Erm ... I own a pair of fluffy pink handcuffs.

So there you go. I don't know if that was actually interesting or not, but ah well.

30 Day Challenge

(No no, not the "eat a bowl of Special K every day for a month and see how you feel!" one)

I have a lot of trouble blogging. I'm not an exceptionally busy person, but I can never seem to find time to write. On the rare occasion that I do, nothing ever seems to come to me. Throughout the day, ideas will pop into my head and for a long time I've been thinking in blog-form, as though I were writing it all down, but it has all disappeared by the time I have a chance to actually do anything with it. Not to mention it's difficult for me to write: I'm so pedantic about everything sounding a certain way that I'll spend ages sitting there, writing and rewriting, suffering through lethologica to find the perfect words, and just staring blankly at the screen. It's frustrating.

So I've thought that maybe doing the 30 Day Challenge - the month-long blogging exercise that has been floating around the interwebz lately - would be helpful. It will give me something to write about each day and there will be no excuses not to do it. The lineup is as follows:


Day 1: A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself
Day 2: The meaning behind your blog name
Day 3: A picture of you and your friends
Day 4: A habit that you wish you didn’t have
Day 5: A picture of somewhere you've been to
Day 6: Favourite super hero and why
Day 7: A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you
Day 8: Short term goals for this month and why
Day 9: Something you're proud of in the past few days
Day 10: Songs you listen to when you are happy, sad, bored, hyped, mad
Day 11: Another picture of you and your friends
Day 12: How you found out about blogging and why you have one
Day 13: A letter to someone who has hurt you recently
Day 14: A picture of you and your family
Day 15: Put you ipod on shuffle: first 10 songs that play
Day 16: Another picture of yourself
Day 17: Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why
Day 18: Plans/dreams/goals you have
Day 19: Nicknames you have and why you have them
Day 20: Someone you see yourself marrying or being with in the future
Day 21: A picture of something that makes you happy
Day 22: What makes you different from everyone else
Day 23: Something you crave a lot
Day 24: A letter to your parents
Day 25: What I would find in your bag
Day 26: What do you think about your friends
Day 27: Why are you doing this 30 day challenge
Day 28: A picture of you from last year and now, how have you changed since then?
Day 29: In this past month, what have you learned
Day 30: Your favorite song


Simple, right? Let's see how I go...

Donald Duck Meets Glenn Beck

I was intent on posting something tonight because I've been thinking about the casual dropping of English pronouns all day, but I'm feeling all achey and crampy and angry at the world. Blogging while cranky probably isn't the best idea so I'll leave it for tomorrow instead.

However, I did notice something else interesting today. I was driving home from uni and was following a truck on the freeway. I had planned to turn off at South St but as I approached the Leach Hwy exit, I had a last minute change of heart and exited there instead. As I moved into the turn-off lane, I looked back at the truck in time to see a long metal rod fly off it, right onto the road where I would have otherwise been. Lucky. Another interesting coincidence - maybe I'll start documenting them all just for amusement? Look, the almighty hateful and vindictive god doesn't leave the rebellious atheist to die! :P

But anyway, since I'm not providing any amusement today, I shall leave you in the capable hands of Donald Duck:





If you're not following: Glenn Beck is the Jesus - well, the other Jesus - of the angry, white, Christian, conservative Americans. I was going to call him their Hitler, but decided against it for fear of invoking Godwin's wrath. Suffice to say, listening to Beck is like listening to one of those late-night television evangelists and his followers just lap it up.